Becoming A Foster Parent--Part 1--The Shock Of It Hitting Home

I added a new layer to my identity. For many years, I have been a writer, editor, blogger, lawyer, business person, traveler, reader, swimmer, friend, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, niece, curiosity seeker, intellectual, volunteer, and student. And now I am a foster parent.

No one is more surprised than me. I have seen the ads on TV and the signs around town asking you to consider becoming a foster parent, but I never connected that to me. It was not on my radar screen.

It all started with a minor relative who needed me, or someone like me. She was born into a toxic, unhealthy home, which got worse over the years. Suddenly, she was in foster care, and our extended family went into shock.  How did we not know about this sooner? How did things get so bad without us realizing it? People like us don't have family members go into foster care, do we? That just doesn't happen to people like us? What in the world happpened????

I should know better, as I have been involved with child abuse prevention activities for years and know that this can happen in anyone's family. But you still think it can't happen to yours. Until it does.

I had the option to get involved or not get involved. Of course, I got involved. I feel like in some way I have been preparing for such a role all my adult life: child abuse prevention activities, foster care activities, juvenile law class, guardian ad litem CLEs. My background is perfect for taking this on.

Especially since she is my relative, and I love her. And she needs me.

Replying to the social services letter that yes I wanted to be involved--to the point of saying she could come live with me--set off a whole chain of events. Background checks, fingerprinting, parenting class, home study. Since she was in state care, I had to get permission to see her, which wasn't often enough. Phone calls with her were discouraged, as social services did not want to provide too many opportunities for negative conversations about her homelife, which could cause her more angst about the situation.

The process had just begun.

Boyfriend Anniversary Gifts

I used to do all kinds of strange things, like fret too much over whether men liked me or not. I also was tempted to get boyfriend gifts for anniversary or generally make myself too available to men. Then I read the Rules. Yes, the book that caused so many waves a decade or so ago. The Rules was criticized for being manipulative, or some such. But people misunderstood the reason for the book. (The authors did themselves no favor by being bad spokespeople for their own message.)

The whole idea behind the Rules is that you have some boundaries for yourself and men. That you don't get carried away and think your relationship with a man is more than it is. That you protect your heart in order to make good choices. That you don't waste precious time chasing something that isn't going to work.

I have to admit that the Rules have worked for me. At least from the standpoint of not getting hurt so much or chasing after lost causes. That in itself is invaluable. I'm not saying you should never get a boyfriend an anniversary gift. Just make sure that there is a real anniversary to celebrate.

Most Eligible Dallas

I think I mentioned that I watch more reality TV than I should. I am hooked on several shows: some of the Real Housewives series, Millionaire Matchmaker, Survivor sometimes, and now Most Eligible Dallas. Sometimes you wonder where the TV producers get the cast members. Like how they picked those for Most Eligible Dallas, as compared to others who could have been cast????

Well anyway, I was hooked on the drama between Matt and Courtney, and the fact that they finally got together. But then it didn't work. That is too bad. Wonder if he ever called for flower delivery in the city of Dallas, TX? He should have ordered her flowers at least. Or maybe he did. He needed to make up to her for his wandering eye, or not carrying through.

I also was hooked on watching Tara and her icky choice of men. What gives?

Anyway, it will be interesting to see what happens next season. Although, it seems like it would be hard to beat the Matt/Courtney drama.

I Think It Is Hard To Buy Men's Birthday Gifts

I love to buy gifts, but I find it hard to buy gifts for men. Most of the time, though, I can come up with some good items, but it causes me a lot of angst, and takes a lot of time to come up with good ideas. It is so much easier to buy for women. I have a friend's birthday coming up soon, and I may have to look for: mens birthday gifts online. I love to shop, but don't have time to go look in person. Maybe I can come up with some good ideas. Just have to find the time to search the web.

Need To Up My Beauty Routine, Get My Groove On

I am tired of looking awful. Fat and overlooked. I miss getting looks from men. I need to lose weight, work on my beauty routine, get my skin back in shape, eat better, exercise, relax, buy new stylish clothes, etc. I need to do it all. And soon.

I think I do my makeup pretty well, but am thinking of trying some eyelash growth products, since I am a little deficient in that area. I may just buy some false eyelashes first, to see what I look like with bigger, longer, fuller lashes. If I like it, I may try one of the enhancement products. I want to get in shape and look my best. And then looks will come my way.

A Friend Had To Close His Restaurant

I am sad that a friend had to close his restaurant recently. It was a fun little hangout, and I had hopes it would turn into my "Cheers." It had good food and even better drinks. Seemed like it had all the right ingredients, no pun intended, to succeed. Good ambiance, friendly staff. It was close enough to downtown that people could go there for lunch or stop by after work. Except that they didn't. Every time I drove by, there were fewer cars in the parking lot. I stopped by when I could, and I was going to take my family there. But it closed before I could. He could not afford to lose money week after week, so he had to cut his losses. He had a lot to do to close the doors, including sell his restaurant supplies. It is sad, but I have heard for years that the restaurant business is extremely hard, and many do not make it.

Life Near A Medical Center

For years, I have lived near a major medical center. I used to dream of working there, handling their communications and PR. I never did that, even though I did that kind of work on the university side of things. And I loved it. Yet, the medical center did and still does call out for me. I guess I am a frustrated doctor.

I see the medical students come and go in their scrubs, and think--that could have been me! I especially think a teaching hospital, with all of its research, would be a fascinating place to work. I can't imagine a more satisfying line of work. Helping to heal people and sometimes give them a new lease on life. Of course, there would be sad times in being a doctor too. But I would think the good and happy would outweigh the bad.

But I am a journalist and a lawyer. Too late to go to medical school--that is for sure. No scrubs for me, unless I am sleeping in them. http://www.blueskyscrubs.com/