Becoming A Foster Parent--Part 1--The Shock Of It Hitting Home

I added a new layer to my identity. For many years, I have been a writer, editor, blogger, lawyer, business person, traveler, reader, swimmer, friend, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, niece, curiosity seeker, intellectual, volunteer, and student. And now I am a foster parent.

No one is more surprised than me. I have seen the ads on TV and the signs around town asking you to consider becoming a foster parent, but I never connected that to me. It was not on my radar screen.

It all started with a minor relative who needed me, or someone like me. She was born into a toxic, unhealthy home, which got worse over the years. Suddenly, she was in foster care, and our extended family went into shock.  How did we not know about this sooner? How did things get so bad without us realizing it? People like us don't have family members go into foster care, do we? That just doesn't happen to people like us? What in the world happpened????

I should know better, as I have been involved with child abuse prevention activities for years and know that this can happen in anyone's family. But you still think it can't happen to yours. Until it does.

I had the option to get involved or not get involved. Of course, I got involved. I feel like in some way I have been preparing for such a role all my adult life: child abuse prevention activities, foster care activities, juvenile law class, guardian ad litem CLEs. My background is perfect for taking this on.

Especially since she is my relative, and I love her. And she needs me.

Replying to the social services letter that yes I wanted to be involved--to the point of saying she could come live with me--set off a whole chain of events. Background checks, fingerprinting, parenting class, home study. Since she was in state care, I had to get permission to see her, which wasn't often enough. Phone calls with her were discouraged, as social services did not want to provide too many opportunities for negative conversations about her homelife, which could cause her more angst about the situation.

The process had just begun.