Yes, I am a stutterer. I can say that here in the anonymonity of this blog. I would never say this to anyone, except I did admit it to my speech therapist that I had for a while back in the early 1990s. You see, stuttering is a problem that you hide. If you hardly ever stutter, you don't want anyone to know. If you only stutter once in a while, like I do, then you can pretend you are just flustered when you stammer. And that works well.
I don't know why stuttering is cause for shame for many of us. Or is it really shame? I know one of the reasons I don't want to admit I am a stutterer is because I don't want people to expect me to stutter, or for me to feel I have to perform, or for me to feel anxious. Like if people know I stutter, then I will feel anxious and stutter for sure. And I sure as heck don't want people talking to me about it.
There is no reason to be ashamed of stuttering, but then again many of us are. I would rather let the world be uninformed about my condition. I would rather they be ignorant of this fact. I am lucky in that I stutter so seldom, I can get away with it. That wasn't the way it was when I was a kid however. Up through 3rd grade, my stutter would be bad whenever I was called on to read a passage in class or to say certain words. It works better when you can improvise. Use your own words to say the same thing. Then you can avoid stuttering. The King's Speech showed how anguished he was when he had to speak, but to me it didn't go far enough. I couldn't feel the pounding of his heart or his sweaty hands, as I have experienced when I know I am going to be called upon to speak and am afraid I will stutter. You don't want that for the world. You don't want to be pitied. You just want to not have to go through it. You would rather just get up and leave. I guess I couldn't feel him going through this, because I was seeing it from a safe distance. It was him and not me.
Through my speech therapist, I learned about the genetics of stuttering, and that if I were to ever have a son, there would be a 50 percent chance he would be a stutterer. If I had a daughter, the chances would be less. That was enough for me. I decided I not to have children. I wouldn't ever want to put someone through this. And that is OK. I am at peace with that decision.
But what I am glad about the movie is that it is a feel good movie. That there are things that can be done, and some can be healed. But it is a tough row to hoe.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/01/24/stuttering.kings.speech/index.html
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